Do you ever want to see someone succeed so bad, you have a hard time letting them figure things out on their own? Or, do you ever just want someone to give you a chance to figure it out?
Last night, I caught myself over coaching.
My husband is learning how to rope. At this point, he knows the pieces, parts and the goal. He knows how to swing, follow through, focus on your target, keep moving, stay balanced and square, watch your steer, be patient and don’t rush, the general handle, etc. He’s been taught all the steps.
As it was explained to me the other day with a horse I had a friend riding for me; it’s like fixing a tractor, he’s at the point that all the pieces are laid out on the ground, cleaned, oiled, tuned, replaced and now we have to figure out how to put them all back together.
For the less mechanically inclined, it’s like you know the recipe and have all the ingredients and it’s time to put it together to make a delicious treat.
When we think about both those analogies, we know the putting it together part, is the hardest! The idea is fun, learning how to make it work is exciting, but actually doing the work to put it together can be hard, frustrating, and confusing at times. It doesn’t seem to matter how many videos we watch, times we read the recipe or get out the good old fashioned instructions, it’s just messy for awhile.
That’s where I’ve been overstepping. I have years more experience roping and I love coaching. I can see what piece needs to go where, what ingredient needs to be added, and the right time to do it. BUT it’s not my parts or my ingredients to put together, it’s his.
Instead of breaking down every single run for him and telling him what went right, wrong and what to do different, I get to step back! I get to let him think for himself and find his own answers. If he has questions or wants to talk through things, I get to be there to answer m and make observations only when absolutely needed. Otherwise, it’s his time to put it together in the way that works best for him!
As soon as I quit over coaching/helping and let him think through what he knows things started to click. And let me tell ya, when you’re the heeler, it’s a lot more fun when they start turning them! 😂
When we care about people and want to see them succeed, it’s so easy to over coach. One of rodeo/horse people’s biggest assets and difficult challenges is that the family unit is so involved.
It’s bittersweet. We get to make so many memories together while striving towards common goals and supporting each other in so many ways.
On the flip side, we are with each other all the time, don’t seek outside help as often as we maybe should and don’t have the expertise coaching to know when to take a step up. When you compare to organized sports, it’s +/- 90% outside coaching and a little from the family unit. Rodeo/Horse people are generally the opposite. Again, bittersweet!
Today, I encourage us all to take an honest look at what part we’re taking in our loved ones journey. Sit down and have a conversation with each other. 99.9% of the time, we have sincere and pure intentions. Intentions don’t always create results, but communication, honesty, teamwork and being humble enough to step back when space is needed and step up when help is needed…Now that will create the results and relationships we’re looking for!
Plus, in the long run, it’s way more fun!
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